Funny Birthday Quotes

On this page, you'll find funny birthday quotes made even funnier by personal birthday messages — written for you, so you don't have to write them yourself. Wow!

Each famous funny quotation below has a personalized intro and closer that only makes it funnier for the birthday girl or boy.

This personal touch also adds much-needed levity to a day that's, for some people, just another reminder of getting older. Now that's a great gift to give your loved ones.

This proves that you can't have it all, even if you're a famous rock star.

“I guess I don't mind so much being old, as I mind being fat and old.

~ Peter Gabriel

I also mind the aches and pains, but getting older is a lot better than the alternative (you know, teenage acne).

Happy birthday!

Let me say that this quote does not apply to you. Even if...

Age mellows some people — others it makes rotten.

~ Anonymous

Sure, you have some rotten days, but you are the sweetest (insert age) year old I know. Happy birthday!

There's always hope, despite what this guy says...

I'm 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?

~ Barry Cryer

Hey, remember that guy in Japan who lived to 114? You never know. Keep the faith. Happy birthday!

What do you say to people who sound off like this guy?

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it.

~ Patrick Moore

I think there should be a law against this sort of attitude. Celebrate life, no matter how old you are. Happy birthday!

This guy has got it all wrong.

You know you're getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

~ John Mendoza

You know you're getting "old" when a little extra skin ruins your day! I'm just glad I could still feel you pinch me. Happy birthday! 

I like what I see around me and in the mirror, despite the fact that...

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

~ Carrie Fisher

Heck, the way we look we'd be glad to get anything, right? Happy birthday!

Funny Birthday Quotes: Famous Birthday Messages
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I guess that this is what my older friends mean by becoming invisible when you turn (insert age)...

If you survive long enough, you're revered — rather like an old building.

~ Katherine Hepburn

This is why I wear loud colors or barely nothing at all. If you got it, flaunt it...until the day you die (from old age, of course). Happy birthday!

Funny Birthday Quotes: Famous Birthday Messages
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Keep searching for the best!
Here are more funny birthday quotes for you...

So true...

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

~ Robert Quillen

And, as we grow older, it's getting harder and harder to hear anything. I'm just glad we're here to kind of hear each other's stories. Happy birthday!

Age is really in the eyes of the beholder.

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.

~ Geoffrey Parfitt

I say it's mind over body. You're as young as you feel or fantasize (whatever takes less effort). Happy birthday!

This is yet another cautionary tale about following your bliss.

For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do. For the second half, they tell you what you should have done.

~ Richard Needham

First off, this Richard guy has lousy friends. I think you've done pretty well for an old fart. 

Funny Birthday Quotes: Famous Birthday Messages
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Please do not go to such lengths to hide your age when you turn (insert age)...

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

~ Nancy Astor

Remember, 52 is the new 42 (so tell everyone you're 42). Happy 42nd birthday!

Just be glad you're not this old...

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.

~ Claude Pepper

Then again, I wouldn't buy the stock of any startups, if I was you. Happy birthday!

This is why we have scotch and TV...

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

~ Hy Gardner

Like I said, this is why we have scotch and TV! Pass the bottle! Happy birthday!

You worry too much about the wrong things.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

~ Joey Adams

Just enjoy what life has given you and will give you...starting with your birthday.

I know we're old, but we're not this ancient...

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

~ Bob Hope

Of course, if I was you, I wouldn't get into any scrapes (or get any scrapes). Happy birthday!

At first, I thought this was a good idea (a way to show my kids what I had to do without)...

I can't wait to tell my kids I was born before the Internet.

~ Anonymous

Now they don't respect me at all. I'm sure yours think you're just great, because you are. Happy birthday!

You would think that youth and beauty go hand in hand from this quote:

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.

~ Robert Frost

Of course, as any woman knows, the quote should read "a woman of 29," since no woman in her right mind would admit to turning 30.

Happy birthday!

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Message Guy
Creator of this site

Kevin, the "Message Guy" who writes the birthday wishes, quotes, poems, toasts and speeches for this site, has been a professional writer, editor and translator for more than 25 years. He decided to create in 2012 to share his passion for birthday and "unbirthday" quotes on the best day of the year — your birthday.


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